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Chapter 1

My first year

     It was only two hours ago, that I said my final goodbye to my mother as I entered my journey to adulthood. I woke up this morning at three to get ready to travel to Norfolk ST. University. My mom and I had been there all day getting my classes and getting my room straight. When it was time for me to move in, I told her I wanted to do that on my own. Money was kind of tight in our house so she said she would send me some money in a couple of weeks as she made her way back to DC.

     It was my first year of college and I never been more excited. I was finally away from my mom and my two little sisters. I finally felt like an adult. I may have only been eighteen but I was feeling at least 21. Life was good. I walked into my dorm room, and I could only pray that I would be rooming with someone nice. The room was a little junky but a nice size. It had a light blue paint on the wall. The beds were a little lager then twin size beds, but smaller then a full. The bathroom was nice. It had a large bathtub and a marble sink that was a light shade of green as well as the floor tile. This was better then my house, and I was going to enjoy living here. As I looked around some more I noticed no one was there, but I did see many clothes on the floor. Boy clothes! “I think they roomed me with a guy” I didn’t care how nice the room was I wasn’t trying to get raped in my sleep. I was going down to get this straighten out. I walked to the door and got the wind knocked out of me. I fell to the ground. My head was spinning and I was thinking this boy was about rape me. A hand reached out to me and then I heard a voice ask, "are you ok".

     Now I didn’t know too much about guys, but I knew their voices were suppose to be deep, and he sounded like a fourteen-year-old girl. He was trying to help me, so I took his hand and he helped me up.

     As I got my head straight, and I was seeing clearly I realized that this was not a boy, this was a girl.

     "So you're my new roommate?" she asked me with kind of a smile on her face.

     She was somewhat thick but not fat at all. She was tall, about five eight or five nine with a beautiful brown skin complexion. Her hair was long and very thick, it also was jet black. She wore her hair in a ponytail. She looked as if she played basketball and she did later on I found out. Her facial features seem to be all in the right positions. I mean it seemed that every little detail from her eyes, which were a light brown color, lighter the hazel, to her nose, to her full lips, were handled with care, and placed in spots that insured beauty. Her face was perfect!

     "Yea I'm yo new roommate," I said wondering what was she thinking and why was she smiling. I thought it would be nice to introduce myself I mean she was staring at me. "My name is Jourdin Diggs"

     "I'm Antoinette Green, but they call me Toni". She said holding her hand out. I shook it, and then she started explaining to me about why the room was so messy. "I'm sorry ma, I knew you was coming but I had some things to do and I didn't have enough time to get back and clean it but, I know you just getting in so yo probably hungry?"

     "Yea a little but…"

     "Here shawty, here’s twenty dollars go down to the cafe and get you something while I clean up ok mami"

     "Uhh I don't know".

     "I insist after all it is my fault the room isn't clean".

     "Ok" I took the money because I was hungry and broke.

     It took me about ten minutes to find the cafeteria but when I did, I spent the whole twenty. I had ordered the beef stroganoff meal and a side salad. I also had some strawberry cheesecake for dessert. I did pick her up a sandwich and something to drink. I got back to the room and it was spotless. She did a good job and only thirty minutes had passed.

     "I bought you back something". I said as I handed her the food.

     "Thanks, I'm not really hungry tho. But it was nice of you. So did you get full?"

     "Yea it was good, thank you, I'm a pay you back when I get it."

     “Don't worry about it, I owed you, the room was a mess”.

     The phone rung and she jumped up like her boyfriend was calling. Maybe it was by the way she was talking. I hope she don't bring a boy over here and I get rapped.

     "Hay baby…nothing…yea she here…yea she is…I aint you already know…come on now its me I would never…ok what time…alright then see you later…I love you too…bye"

     "Is somebody coming over," I asked. But then I felt out of place for asking her. She answered the question nicely though.

     "Yea, its cool right?"

     "Of course this is your room”

     "It's our room"

     "O". I said with a smile on my face.

     "Yea my girlfriend coming over"

My smile dropped, I didn't know what to think but then I thought maybe she meant her friend that was a girl. Silly me that's what she meant.

"So she coming right now?" I asked

"Now she'll be here in about an hour. She wants to check you out, you know, make sure yo cool".

"Oh I'm very cool".

"That's good"

We sat there and talked as I unpacked my things. She was a very smart person. This was her third year of college but she was more deep then anything. I love talking to deep people, it really stimulates my mind. Before I knew it, an hour had past and Toni's guest had arrived.

"There go my baby now" she said as she jumped up to get the door.

Now I knew she was meaning her girlfriend as a real girlfriend. She opened the door and I was expecting to see some big ugly chick but she was a pretty girl. She had long black hair, with brown highlights. She seemed to be Mexican or some kind of Hispanic descent. She was shorter then Toni she may have only been five five or five four, she still had me beat because I was only five two. She had a nice figure; she was very thick I could tell she cared about herself. She looked very nice. No homo!

"Hay baby" the girl said as she hugged Toni.

"This is my girlfriend Adelina"

"Yea this my baby so lil mama don't get slick" Adelina said

"O I'm not like that" I said as I watched Toni look at me very surprised. "I mean…I didn't mean it like that…I mean I'm not gay…I like guys".

"That's cool mami, you do what you gotta do, get what you gotta get, like what you like, aint no problem with that"

"Yea I don't have a problem with your life style either just as long as nobody feels the need to mess with me" I said hoping they didn't take offense.

"I got you lil sis, aint nobody gon mess with you". Toni said

"And aint nobody gon mess with you baby" Adelina said as she kissed Toni. I guess she feels that I'm going to jump on Toni. "Baby you didn't even tell me this pretty young lady name".

"Oh I'm sorry babe, her name is Jourdin.

"Jourdin, that's cute".

"Thank you I said with a fake smile. I don't think I like this girl too much I feel that she may be a problem. If something goes down she may have me because she's bigger then me but I'm a go out like a solider.

"Toni baby are we going some where tonight?"

"Baby you know I got an early class tomorrow I need some rest".

"What ever"

"But you know you can stay the night"

I was thinking no she cant I didn't want them doing nothing while I'm sleeping in the bed across from them, but it was Toni's room. Naw it was my room too so I was going to say something but Toni did first.

"You know what babe, its Jourdin's first night in the room and she needs to get use to the place so maybe you should just go home tonight".

"What" Adelina said looking at me

"I mean right now we can chill but later before it gets to late you should go home".

"How about I leave now?"

"Baby I didn't mean that, I just meant…"

"Naw don't worry about it, this way you will have more then enough time to sleep".

"Baby wait"

She slammed the door as she walked out. I could tell she was really upset but I didn't care cause I didn't' want her girl. She had nothing to worry about. But I did kind of felt bad for Toni cause Toni was cool and I liked her…as a friend.

"Is she mad because of me" I asked not really caring if she was though.

"Naw she always trippin, she a drama queen, don't worry about it"

"Oh, I wouldn't have cared if she stayed I mean this is your room". I said and not meaning a word of it.

Naw baby girl I told you this our room, and if she wanna trip over some petty stuff the she can go but she'll be on my nuts later".

"Oh you got nuts now?" I said as I laughed. She smiled so I know she found the joke funny.

"Oh lil mama you got jokes. So let me ask you a something, you don't mind rooming with a gay girl?"

"I mean hey, you like what you like I cant change that, I just ask you to respect what I like and not try anything with me"

"I can respect that besides, you aint all that any way". She said as she laughed. I see she had jokes too because trust they be all on my bones.

I was mostly black but I had some Native American in my family so I had long silky black hair with a sexy Carmel complexion with a pretty face a small gap kind of like Keyshia Cole but still o so sexy and a figure out of this world, so I been told. Yea I was banging. However, I let her have that joke.

"Ok ok, you funny" I laughed

"You know what ma, you a cool person" she said as she laid in her bed.

I begin to lay down too. I was kind of tired. I had a lot to do tomorrow. I had to get my books and meet my consoler.

“You cool too Toni, and just so you know I have no problem with you being gay I'm fo'real".

"Ok mami, and just so you know, I have no problem with you being straight."

We both were in our beds, we laid there and talked for a little while then we fell asleep. I felt good that me and Toni had a chance to talk. I fell safe with her. I know she won't try anything. The next day I woke up Toni was already gone. I got my shower and got dressed then I went and did all of the things I had to do. When I finally got back to my dorm I decided to call my best friend from back home; LaCresha aka Cri-dub. “Hey boo”, I said when she answered the phone.

“What up Joy baby, how you doing?” she asked.

“I’m fine, I’m all settled in and the college is nice.”

“That’s good, so how’s your roommate, is she someone you can party with?”

“Yea she cool”

“Well shit you betta get her to tell you were all the niggas at.”

“Man Cri, she aint gon know where they at.”

“Damn she that ugly?”

“Naw, she gay.”

“Oh shit, you betta be careful, she gon want yo pretty little ass shit if I was gay I would.”

“Well she aint gon get it, you know I do not like girls,” I told her.

“Alrighty then, so you say”

“What ever, wait I hear her coming, I’m a talk to you later girl, bye” I said as we hung up the phone. Toni decided to make up with Adelina so she called her over again but this time Adelina brought some friends and they brought some drinks.

"You gon drink Jordan?"

"Its Jourdin, Jour-din, Adelina". I said

"Well Jour-din, are you going to drink?" she asked with her lips turned up.

"Naw I don't drink", I said lying because I just didn’t want to be bothered with her.

"Good more for us then".

By this time, I am noticing I really don't like this girl. But I'm going have to put up with her a lot because that's Toni girl. She just got a bad personality Toni can do better.

"Come on lets get this card game started. Yall know how to play right, when you lose a hand you have to take a shot. Ok ok come on with the come on".

As they played their card game, I decided to look over my class books. I was going to start class in a few days so I wanted to be ready. They were very loud but it didn't bother me none. It was all good until Toni left the room and Adelina started messing with me.

"Jordan you to good to play with us?" she said drunkenly I could tell she was losing. "Huh Jordan"

"My name is Jourdin, Adelina" I hate when people say my name wrong and I knew she was doing it on purpose.

"What ever yo name is answer the question".

"No". I said. "I'm just not a drinker, besides your doing enough drinking for the both of us."

"Honey, I'm grown. I'm twenty three years old, I can drink as much as I want"

"I didn't say you couldn't, I just meant…"

"Naw, I know what you meant, look you don't have to worry about me lil ma, how old are you?"

"Eighteen" I said

"Eighteen huh, well don't worry about me ok, I'm a do my thang".

"Me too" I said wondering why she keeps messing with me, and then I realized she must really think I want Toni.

"Look little girl…" she stopped because Toni walked back in the room, she shut up real quick. "Hay baby" she said jumping up to hug Toni like she haven't seen her in years.

"What's going on?" Toni asked

Adelina shot me a "better not say nothing look" but I am really getting sick of her messing with me. I'm going be nice this time but if she keeps bothering me I'm a go crazy.

"Nothing baby, we're just talkin".

"Oh, dang Lina, you too drunk".

"Not really baby, just a little" she said slurring on her words.

"Who driving you home?" Toni asked looking very concerned

"Uh I am"

"No you aint" Toni said trying to laugh it off but you could tell she was very serious.

"I am, I drove myself here so I'm gon drive myself home"

"You drunk, you aint driving no where"

"What gon happen then?" she asked as if she already knew.

"You gon stay here, I don't have a class tomorrow, we can chill tonight and go get some breakfast in the morning".

"Ok babe"

She kissed her like I was watching, that fool too pressed. But it's cool because no matter how grown she say she is, she still act like a child.

"A yall my sis Jourdin got some studying to do so it's about time for everybody to bounce. Yall be safe"

As I listened to Toni and looked over to Adelina, I saw fire in her eyes. I just met the girl and she already don't like me, her lost. Everyone started leaving and Adelina made her way to Toni's bed. She was so drunk and I don't think Toni liked that too much.

"Baby you shouldn't drink so much"

"We were playing a game"

"I don't care, I told you I don't like you drinkin like that"

"Baby" she said kissing Toni. I knew they were kissing because I cold hear it. I was disgusted, not because it was two girls but because I do not like Adelina.

“Baby I want you right now,” Adelina said loud enough so I could here her.

I started thinking to myself that if they started doing it while I was laying on the other side of the room I was going to leave, but Toni told her to come on and they went into the bathroom. I guess Toni had some respect for me…but not much. Two minutes didn’t even pass before I heard Adelina moaning loudly and speaking in Spanish. I think she was just showing out. I don’t know how long they were in the bathroom because I feel asleep before they came out. I did not want to hear them all night.

 

 

 

 

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Someone once told me that I am a very loving person; To everyone else that is.. They told me that I try so hard to enhance everybody else happiness that I forget about my own. They opened my eyes, so that I shall never again be blind to my own feelings. I am taking this time out to find "the inner me". The woman deep down who just want to be loved like she love others... No more pain, nor will there be tears. Just the happiness from finding the one who lingers within... I am a very bright woman with a great future ahead of me... but I must take control of my life and show people the other side of me. I am a lot more than beauty. A lot more than what the eyes meet. I am jasmine, and soon...., you too, will discover the inner me.

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