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Here I was all prepared to speak with you about the sermon that inspired me Sunday and then as I woke up Monday morning it wasn’t on my heart anymore, as if God said “not today!” As I rose this morning I was prompted to look back at my journal over the past year. Let me explain, for those of you that are not affiliated with a church home, basically you are encouraged to journal your prayers, visions and everything that comes to mind concerning God. Lucky for me I began journaling as teenager. I wasn’t able to express myself without being misunderstood so I resulted in journaling on how I felt and the events that occurred in my life. So as I am scanning through the journal to see if anything had changed, I ran over a note from a previous sermon dated back to February 2010. Reading over the note, it actually brought my mind back to the day and time while I was sitting in the church and the guest speaker was speaking…he was speaking to us about dirt. WOW, what a profound sermon, to think about dirt in such a whole new light.
On that particular day, I remember that he used the analogy of being a seed and how when you plant a seed, you dig a hole and then you pack it with dirt, LOTS OF DIRT, and over the course of time you nurture it by providing it with the nutrients such as water and “sun” light to help it grow and begin to flourish. And that’s how God begins with us.
There are many of you that have joined this website because you have a gift, a gift in art, rather its singing, producing, management of entertainers, attorney to the entertainers, networking or what have you and you joined hoping to get noticed, to get business, to get picked up by a label but you haven’t yet and you’ve travelled so many avenues and you’re wondering, “God why?” “Have I done that much wrong in my life that now I can’t share my talents, I can’t be used!” Well that is simply not the case, the Lord can use you right where you are! No matter what anyone has said to you, God see’s you differently than the world see’ s you and there is someone that He has appointed at that right time to see that VICTORY IN YOU! Now you’re like, Nikki V. but how? What is it that I need to do to be noticed? Well if you really have a talent you will be noticed but first friend you may have to do one of the hardest things that most human beings find hard to do. WORK ON YOU AND FORGIVE YOURSELF.
In the first two blogs I’ve posted you’ve read that I have gone through a really tough break up and that I, in the past, lived a life in adult entertainment! Well that’s just scratching the surface, the seed that I started out as had so much “DIRT” packed on top of me at some point I wondered if I would ever breathe again. After so much that I had done and so much that had happened to me, I worried that I would never find love again, who could love me, I questioned! Two children, two different fathers, failed relationships, former stripper, ex mobsters girlfriend, former drug addict, being arrested not once but twice back to back, witness to a murder…I mean the list goes on and on to the point even I ask how can one person go through so much and who would want me! BUT GOD!!! SMH!
I am writing this particular blog because there are some of you out there that are concerned and worried. Your fear has you trapped from finding true happiness, not just in relationships but in every aspect of your life and you can’t move on because like me you’re wondering the same “who would want me after all I’ve done and all I’ve been through?” Well there is someone that wants you, and No it’s not your typical run of the mill friend that can give you that quick answer, what I liked to call the “Microwave answer in a Microwave society!” Before I go there, let me get you to think of life like this; I call this world the “Microwave Society” because we have gotten too co-dependent on quick responses, everything is done fast, and we are now accustomed to not waiting on anything at all if we can get it in less than 5 minutes, but let me ask you, have you ever studied the benefits of a microwave meal??? Did you know that when you nuke something in the microwave it is destroying the nutrients and robbing you of any benefits you may have received from that product rather than if it had prepared it by my your own hands and cooked it at the proper temperature and time? Yeah it takes longer but your body will be appreciative to that than to take in the heavy sodium and lack of nutrients that leave you tired, hungry for more and depleted of water! In that same manner that’s what you’re doing with your relationship with God, when you’d rather hear from a fair weather friend than being patient and waiting on God.
So in turn you should look at all the things you’ve done that were mistakes (you later found out) and the things you’ve gone through as dirt. You are the seed, and those issues are dirt, as you go through the dirt you begin to hear the word of God through the vessel He’s using, this is your nourishment and now you’re beginning to sprout roots, and you’re stretching out through the dirt. As the process continues, you see a peak of light but haven’t sprouted yet, it’s ok, you just need more water. Well if you stay determined to come out of the dirt and you stick with your daily ritual, water and nutrients (the word) one day you’ll peak through the dirt and you feel yourself flourishing and before you know it, you’ve become a beautiful flower for the whole world to see. And no matter how many times you speak about your journey to get out of the dirt, ppl find it impossible because you’re so beautiful from the inside out, and you look back and even you are astonished….you know how long it took from the time you were planted to the time you flourished…but bottom line…YOU FLOURISHED!
I lived my life in darkness. I used to tell ppl if a book was ever written about me its title would be “I danced in the moonlight with the devil” because I actually did! But when I accepted Jesus Christ, I accepted the light. And now I can go into the darkness and provide the light to bring many out. And so can you!!! I am encouraging you to allow yourself to flourish, to forgive yourself and look at your past transgression as the dirt that you’re about to grow out of and become a light that shines brighter than the stars above. I believe in you and know that you can do it because if it happened to me, it can definitely happen for you! I love you, your gift will shine. God bless!

I miss Bella, cant believe its been six months shes passed on. Shes always in my mind and my heart. She was a good with lots of love to everyone.
Roger Beleffi

It's been a long journey on this road to "Success" at times I question myself. Is this worth it? will I really succeed? how can I? But then I think about where I come from, and how far I've gotten, and what fueled me to do this in the first place. then the questioning stops, and I'm full speed ahead again.Yes people it has been a long journey, if you only knew, more than likely you would be in aww" sure online everything looks sweet like I got it under control, but that road we all drive up called "Success lane" is a very dangerous road, A lot of sharp turns, curves, bumps and unexpected dips, but if you ask me is all of that really worth it? simply I say yes. I see it like this, I rather bust my ass for two to three years to obtain my level of "Success", which is very high!!! Than bust my ass for the rest of my life and not obtain and damn thing but a job that helps us to live pay check to pay check. people the road to "Success" has never been easy, but I rather drive that road the rest of my life chasing my dreams than taking settle for less blvd...Right now my empire is in the making, everything is set up the way it's suppose to be, join me and watch it manifest into something way beyond my dreams...Thank you for taking time out to read my blog...feel free to leave comments...there will be more coming soon!!! on just random topics...til next time... be easy people, don't let stress, stress you...holla!!!

If there's galaxy's and beyond, then who's to say that the sky is the limit? My success is not limited, I just keep soaring to greater heights...so with that being said no matter how many walls that appear. in my eyes they're a facade. The only person that can stop me is me. as the same that goes for you! just because you were dealt a bad hand does not mean you can't win, it's all in your mind, self motivation and perseverance is the key to achieving all of your goals. And to all my homies in the hood that play the roll of gangsters...let it go, to me when I see cats in the street wild'n out acting way tougher than what you are I look at you as being afraid, to step out side the box to follow your dreams. and also how your patners in the hood will look at you, so you put up this wall to make people look at you in certain way, Me, I might be one of the hoodest niggaz you'll ever meet, but you won't be able to tell it, it took me a couple of times behind that wall to realize that, that life is really not a life that a player like me should live. all because I was scared to dream, but at this point I'm at in my career, and in life I realized that a dream is all I have to fuel me up for better days, think about it. who really wants to be stuck in the same place their entire life, where you see your friends you grew up with dead or in jail for the rest of their lives. next thing you know your in that same boat....To all my fans and friends who read this blog, remember to dream big and strive for your dreams, when you think about it, dreams and goals are pretty much the same thing except when obtaining your goal your just working towards your dreams, so now your chasing your dream...ya feel me??? It doesn't matter what you want to be in life don't stop striving even though there are going to be some doors slammed in your face. no matter how many times that happen, never take no for an answer. The harder they slam, the harder you knock. Just know if you want to live that life you dream of, don't chase it...Run it down and know that failing is not an option....keep god first and go for what you know....Holla!!!